Breaking the Rules: How to Find Love in an Artificial World

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You’ve got a new match 😍😍😍

I’ve read this sentence hundreds of times. Comparatively rarely have I acted any further, in the form of a simple message. It’s nothing against the person I matched with. It’s not you, it’s me. Just because I use a dating app doesn’t necessarily imply my willingness to chat, meet, or date. But at least when someone messages me, I am polite enough to answer. Which cannot be said about everybody here. I’m not judging, just stating facts. Who am I to blame others? I’m morally superior, yes, but still. I can also empathize with the other person, and make space for their needs and feelings, their current life circumstances, or whatever other possible factors come to mind.

Like mindlessly scrolling through Instagram, Facebook, or Twitter – swiping RIGHT on Tinder is a similar pastime to me. Put mildly. One could also use harsher, more honest and self-reflective terms. Habit. Vice. Without thinking twice. A quick dopamine kick. I should add friction to overcome the addiction.

At least most of the time when I don’t initiate chatting, there’s no big reason or turn-off. Definitely no malice intended, no harm no foul. There are of course cases of deterring optics, and I’m not solely talking about being photogenic or having a visually appealing appearance. Rarely is it a conscious decision to not message somebody, because of reasons X, Y, and Z.

Too small, too big, too black, too tall.
Way too white, too far away, too far left, too far right.
Has kids already, or doesn’t want any.
Too timid, too slutty, has had too many.
The possible reasons for and against are plenty.
To disregard the potential from the start
instead of listening to your heart.
Wouldn’t it be better?
Getting to know yourself and each other,
letting things go and play out naturally
without artificially selected arbitrary factors
holding you back and keeping you unhappy.
Because what you thought incorrectly
wasn’t really happening
nor actually what happiness is supposed to be.
I’m going my own way
not where others proposed to me.
Dare to try and err
by trial and error
or luck, by chance,
you’ll get lucky and luckily
live happily ever after.
Or die trying, laughing and crying,
living up to utopian ideals
when in the end only matters how it feels.

Most of my matches look really nice. In a smiling and friendly kind of way. Not always what would commonly be considered an above-average level of attractiveness. Which is to be expected, statistically. On the other hand, who am I to judge what most people find attractive. I’m only guessing. For me, it’s easy to find somebody attractive. I like people in general, and sympathy plays a major role in how willing and able I am to like a person’s appearance. I may not always come across as the philanthropist that I am. We all have to remind ourselves of the mantra “Innocent until proven guilty”. Which is even harder because it goes against our instincts to judge and categorize people.

ChatGPT, find the moral of this story

The moral of the story is that one should try to overcome the addiction of swiping right on dating apps and instead, listen to one’s heart and get to know oneself and others without being held back by artificially selected arbitrary factors. One should be willing to try and err, by trial and error, and dare to take chances in order to live happily ever after, rather than basing decisions on preconceived notions and societal standards of attractiveness. It is also important to remember that one should not judge and categorize people, and should instead give them the benefit of the doubt and treat them as innocent until proven guilty.

ChatGPT, round out this story

As I continued to use the dating app, I realized that I had been approaching it all wrong. I had been basing my decisions on superficial factors rather than truly getting to know the person behind the profile. I knew that I needed to change my mindset if I wanted to find a meaningful connection.

I decided to take a break from the app and focus on getting to know myself better. I took the time to reflect on what I truly wanted in a partner and what values were important to me. I also worked on building my self-confidence and learning to love myself for who I am.

When I felt ready, I returned to the dating app with a new attitude. I made a conscious effort to not let superficial factors influence my decisions and instead, focused on getting to know the person behind the profile. I also made sure to be open and honest about my own feelings and intentions.

To my surprise, I found myself connecting with people in a much deeper way. I found myself having meaningful conversations and truly getting to know the person on the other end. I even went on a few dates and found myself genuinely enjoying the company of the person I was with.

Eventually, I met someone who truly understood and accepted me for who I was. We hit it off and decided to take things to the next level. Today, we’re happily in a relationship and I couldn’t be happier.

I realized that the key to finding a meaningful connection is to focus on getting to know oneself and others, and to not let superficial factors influence one’s decisions. I also learned that being open and honest about one’s feelings and intentions is crucial in building a strong and lasting connection.

This article is part of my new series, Tinder Reflections, where I reflect on my past experiences with the dating platform, love, life, and stuff. Personal, autobiographical, relatable, philosophical, intimate, vulnerable, critical. Mindful enough to be aware and honest enough to admit.

Guest-starring: the omnipresent, much-knowing, widely loved A.I., ChatGPT.

It’s gonna be a banger! Both literally and figuratively.

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